


I Need You

by HiorHeyAshton



Category: Saturday Night Live, Saturday Night Live RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-30
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2019-02-08 14:51:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12866820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HiorHeyAshton/pseuds/HiorHeyAshton
Summary: Hi you've reached Bill and I'm not available right now, but leave a message after the swear if you want me to call you back you fuh.... BEEEEEEEPHey umm it's me....Kristen.  Listen, I feel stupid for calling, but I just wanted to check in and make sure you're ok? I umm...I read something.  I know I shouldn't give it much credence because one time a story was printed about me being pregnant because of a bad picture I took after eating too many donuts, but still.  I hope you are ok.  I'm here you know, if you need anything.  Like to make fun of me if I am totally off base here. So umm...yeah...let me know.





	I Need You

**Author's Note:**

> This is purely made up fiction from my mind. I'm not making any claims on the real Bill and Kristen. But they would be an adorbs couple in real life, let's be honest. I'm also ignoring the fact that Kristen was married in real life because this is made up.

**And next in entertainment news, Saturday Night Live's Bill Hader and wife Maggie Carey are divorcing. It's been reported that the couple has been separated since July and are now in the process of finalizing their divorce.**

_Oh no. Bill._

**\-------------**

**Hi you've reached Bill and I'm not available right now, but leave a message after the swear word if you want me to call you back you fuh.... BEEEEEEEP**

"Hey umm it's me....Kristen. Listen, I feel stupid for even calling, but I just wanted to check in and make sure you're ok? I umm...I read something. I know I shouldn't give it much credence because one time a story was printed about me being pregnant because of a bad picture I took after eating too many donuts, but still. I hope you are ok. I'm here you know, if you need anything. Like to make fun of me if I am totally off base here. So umm...yeah...let me know."

_\----------------_

_There's no way that could be true.  I'm overreacting.  It's just the media being the media and now I've gone crazy too. He will totally never let me live this one down when he calls me...if he calls me._

_He'll have to call right?  Even to mock me and tell me I'm being stupid. Still...it couldn't hurt to double check._

 

Using my laptop, I searched Bill Hader and scrolled through the news results. They all were basically the same.

**...split after 11 years of marriage.**

**...divorcing after 11 years of marriage.**

**...announce their divorce.**

_Who the fuck announces a divorce?  Could this really be true then?_

All at once, the memories and the feelings associated with them came flooding back.  Kristen had no will to suppress them now.

\-----------------------------------

**Bill and her slow dancing during her last episode of SNL.  He was clutching her to his chest like he never wanted to let go and she was shedding tears into the crook of his neck, "her space" they had both named it after they discovered once that she fit perfectly there...like she belonged there always.**

 

**That late night dinner they shared in LA where the hostess at B.O.A. had called them Mr. and Mrs. Hader and instead of correcting her, they both looked wide eyed at each other before she blushed and he giggled nervously and just nodded like it was natural and normal...because it was.**

 

**That interview where Bill joked that they shared a dog together...it played like a joke that no one would ever guess was actually true, even though it was.**

 

**All the late night writing sessions.  Bill, Fred, Andy, and her all up to the morning hours competing against one another for who could create the most outlandish character that would make it past dress to air.  It was in those early morning hours when Fred and Andy would be passed out in their office that Kristen and Bill would eventually give up and crash curled around one another on the sofa in Bill's office that was barely big enough for one.  The first time was an accident, but after that it became routine.  Kristen was always cold and in that way that Bill held her and practically smothered her with his body to keep from falling off that damn couch, she found she never needed an extra blanket.**

 

**And the way that because Bill was aware that Kristen was always cold and even joked about it on Conan once, he always kept a spare hoodie around for her just in case.  Even after they both moved on from SNL and were shooting Skeleton Twins, he still would pull out his favorite OKC sweatshirt and wrap it around her if she even looked slightly chilled.**

Looking down Kristen realized she was wearing that same sweatshirt.  The once bright blue material faded from being washed haphhazardly because Kristen couldn't be bothered to do laundry the "proper way."  Whatever that meant.  Despite the ill washing treatment, the inside was still just as soft as the day Bill gave it to her to keep.

\-------------------

That day started out just like any other.  It was a long day of press interviews for Kristen.  She was back in New York after spending too much time filming in sunny California.  That many days of perfect weather became unnerving.  Kristen had been restless for a season other than that in between of spring and summer that produced perfect beach days.  She had missed the cruel cold weather that New York spit out.  It felt good to be back home.  

New York was where she considered home to be.  Even though she also owned a condo in LA, it wasn't the same as the cozy apartment she had in the West Village since  her SNL days.

There was a knock at the door jarring her out of her thoughts and she answered it mindlessly.  Suddenly he was there filling her doorway.  Bill looked the same as he always did.  Once he peeled off his snow jacket and scarf, he revealed the same plaid button down shirt sticking out of his OKC sweatshit, jeans, and well worn converse she had seen him wear a million times.  The way he dressed was the way she felt upon seeing him... comfortable and familiar.  

He held up a box of take out from their favorite dive of a Chinese restaurant and smiled that lopsided goofy grin that made his eyes crinkle in the most endearing way.  Kristen instantly felt relief and happiness.  The missing puzzle piece had fallen into place and she was finally back home.

After a few moments of them just staring at each other smiling like idiots while Bill was still standing in her doorway, he broke the silence by doing one of his voices. 

**"Hey so I brought the goods.  You better hold up your end of the bargain see or things could get ugly." He joked while holding up the Chinese food like it was being held hostage.**

Kristen slipped into character as well, instantly playing along in the way that all the years of improv had taught her.  No matter what the scenario, always say yes and go with it.

**"I got the valuables don't worry.  Let me seem them goods and then we can do a trade.  Keep those hands where I can see them while we travel to the drop site." She slowly began backing away towards her living room keeping an eye cocked on Bill who was smirking and holding his hands in the air with the Chinese food in acquiesce to her demands.**

**"Alright we've made it to the drop site.  Let's see those goods or else you're not leaving here alive mister.  You're going to get it."  Kristen held up her hand like a fake gun and waved it around like a flamboyant mobster trying to bring airplanes to the tarmac.**

Bill started to lose character and giggle but he quickly brought it back with mock seriousness.  He placed the Chinese food on the table and locked eyes with Kristen whilst he slowly took a carton from one of the bags and opened the lid to reveal orange chicken.  

**"Told you I'd deliver.  I'm definitely walking out of here alive.  Now, where's the payment?" Bill demanded as he too turned his fingers into an imaginary gun pointed at Kristen.  At this point they were both desperately trying to keep in character but it was a losing battle because they could never keep a straight face for long when it was the two of them together.**

**"Here you go pal.  Like I said, I got the valuables." Kristen pulled out a DVD copy of her upcoming movie Bridesmaids and flashed the cover at Bill.  They both dropped character and started laughing before Kristen crossed the room and Bill pulled her into a familiar hug. They both clung to each other with Bill still chuckling softly as he dropped a kiss into Kristen's hair. It had been a long time.**

They both reluctantly let go to settle on the couch after Kristen popped the DVD into her DVD player.  

**"Alright, so here are the rules." Kristen instructed with a mouth full of chow mein.  "You have to tell me what you honestly think.  I don't want any surprises when this movie premiers and all my friends think its shit and that I should stick to characters that other people have written for me instead of writing my own."  Kristen arched her eyebrow at Bill and gave him one of her signature looks to let him know that she was serious.  However the moment was ruined because she had sauce from the noodles dribbling down her chin which caused Bill to laugh in return and grab a napkin to wipe the sauce for her.  Kristen just blinked at him and then started laughing back at the ridiculousness of it.**

**"Ok first of all, I AM taking you seriously, but I'm laughing because of the sauce on your chin.  Second of all, I'm sure your movie is going to be great.  It's written and starred in by you, and you're one of the most genuinely funny people I know.  And I'm not in your movie so I'm not getting paid to say that." Bill said with a smirk.  He always jokingly gave Kristen shit for not even giving him a minor part in Bridesmaids because he knew it drove her crazy, but it also drove him a little crazy deep down.**

**"Hader, we've been over that one!" Kristen exclaimed exasperatedly.  "Just because you have a soft spot for me doesn't mean you should spare my feelings.  Promise me you'll tell me the truth?"**

**They both were quiet for a minute feeling the weight of the words that Kristen had just said out loud.**

**"You KNOW I'm always honest with you." Bill said so quietly, Kristen almost thought she imagined it for a minute.**

**"And yes, I do have a 'soft spot' for you, but you know I trust you enough to tell you the truth." He said again a little too serious for Kristen's liking before lightening the mood.**

**"Do you think I let just anyone be the recipient of my spitting out drinks, like those E interview characters we did in that one sketch on SNL?  I don't just spit on anyone! They have to have class."  And that did it for Kristen because she was laughing again uncontrollably leaning her head into Bill's shoulder while he just smiled down at her fondly.**

**"Ok you're right.  Fair enough.  I trust you too by the way.  Do you think I let anyone assault my knockers in the way that I let you do it in that Vogelcheck kissing family sketch?  You copping a feel when our characters weren't even speaking was definitely not on the cue cards." Kristen joked while poking Bill in the chest in mock irritation.**

**"Oh don't pretend you didn't enjoy it.  I watched the sketch back.  You practically placed my hands on your boob at some point!" Bill defended.**

**"True. You've got me there." Kristen said more quietly.**

**"We should eat.  I know you're starving.  And I want to see this masterpiece."  Bill said changing the subject and grabbing a plate so he could join Kristen in devouring the chow mein noodles.**

They watched the movie together while chowing down on the Chinese.  When it got to the infamous sink scene in the bridal shop Bill couldn't handle it.  He was actually crying from laughing so hard.  He face was red and he was shaking from the force of his laughs. He continued to wipe at his eyes with the back of his hands in a futile manner because the tears just kept coming.  Kristen had to finally pause the movie because she didn't want him to miss the greatness of Melissa McCarthy.

Kristen wrapped her arms around him and pulled his head to her chest making shushing sounds and petting Bill's hair gently.  She didn't want to be responsible for killing the national treasure that was Bill Hader.  What would the world do without Stefon?  Seth Meyers would hunt her down. 

**Once Bill finally got ahold of himself he grabbed Kristen's hand and kissed it.  "I'm sorry that was insane.  You don't have to worry about your movie being a success.  Its fucking brilliant Kris."**

The way he called her Kris took her breath away for a minute.  He hadn't called her that since their SNL days.  He was the only one she allowed the privilege of that nickname. 

**"Hey are you cold? You know a big shot like you should be able to afford to turn the heater on Kris." Bill joked as he placed his hand on difference places of Kristen's arm which was cold to the touch.  She shivered involuntarily but it wasn't from the cold.  Bill didn't seem to know that. "Here.  Take this.  It'll warm you right up.  Can't have you freezing to death in your own place.  You've spent too much time on the West Coast my friend."  Bill sat up and gently pulled the OKC sweatshirt over his head before gesturing for Kristen to lift her arms up so that he could place the sweatshirt on her himself.  Like she wasn't capable of dressing herself.  Somehow she didn't mind.  The hoodie was warm and soft, and most importantly it smelled like Bill.**

**"There that's better.  Alright onward with this.  I'm dying to know what Melissa is going to do next although I feel like I know." Bill focused back on the tv but he threw an arm around Kristen and she curled up into his side while pressing play, and that is the way they stayed snuggled together until the end of the movie.**

When the end credits played, Bill reluctantly unwrapped himself from Kristen and stood up.  "Ok, that movie is a winner for sure.  You'll definitely get the Academy for that one.  I loved it Kris.  You have nothing to worry about."  Bill stretched his arms out and his plaid shirt rose just a little so the skin of his stomach was visible for a few moments.  Kristen lost her train of thought focusing on that sliver of skin before shaking herself out of it and standing as well.

Bill reached for the mess they had made of the Chinese feast they enjoined together and Kristen simply told him to leave it because whatever she salvaged would probably be her breakfast.  Bill chuckled and let her walk him to her door.  

Kristen suddenly remembered that she was still wearing his sweatshirt and moved to take it off when Bill stilled her hands. 

**"Keep it.  You deserve it.  You're movie is going to be a big hit you know.  Everyone is going to be lining up to be in your next movie.  Just don't forget about little old me when you need an on screen weirdo husband or gay brother."**

**"I would never forget about you Bill." Kristen said softly looking up at him.  They were still wrapped around one another, in that moment they both felt the familiar pull, and for once they both gave in.**

It wasn't the first time, but it had been a long time.  A lot had changed.  The kiss was soft and intimate.  They had known each other for 8 years and had done this before whether in character or real life.  But they didn't hold back.  Bill's hand came to rest on Kristen's face with his thumb gently stroking her cheek.  Her hand gripped his should to anchor herself to something while the other tangled in his hair and just held on. Finally when they both needed air, and they both pulled back a little.  Soft smiles appeared on both their faces and they both knew they should not have done it.  They should feel guilty.  He was married.  He had kids.  She loved him and would never have him.  It was a bad situation, but after years of the sexual tension they both accepted the situation they were in and just went with it. 

They had seen each other a lot since then.  But that was one of the most intimate and honest moments they had together since their time on SNL.  They couldn't use the excuse of their crazy job with its lunatic work hours and demanding schedule.  This was just them allowing the pull to overwhelm them and release some of that tension that had been building over the years.  They had never had sex.  They had slept together many times but it was actual sleeping.  They had kissed and made out but so had the characters they played so technically they didn't see it as fully off limits.  That Californians sketch make out did not need the tongue and yet there it was.  Aside from one drunken hand job, they kept it together pretty well.  

Except that everyone else could see it.  Their friends joked about it.  People wrote about it online.  Almost every single interview they did together, the interviewer would make some smartass comment about their chemistry together as if they didn't know.  As if they hadn't been cast as people in a relationship all the time on SNL and in movies.  Even when he played her brother in Skeleton Twins, the director had said to them that thank goodness Bill's character was gay otherwise it wouldn't be believable that they were bother and sister. And that had been awkward as hell. 

And yet they continued on.  When he hosted SNL she was there in the opening monologue with him.  During the good nights he had his arm around her and pulled her towards him a few times even when he was saying hi to his wife and daughters.  When she hosted he was there.  Even presenting at the awards show together he bumped her shoulder affectionately in front of everyone to get her back from being lost in him, and they stood just a little closer than necessary to present that award.  The pull was always there. 

They both knew.  They just were both trapped in the realities that they had created.  Bill had married Maggie and had three kids.  Kristen was still looking for Mr. Right and yet compared every potential man to what she and Bill shared.  She was also trying to get her shit together.  She hadn't been ready to settle down when Bill was.  She had still wanted to travel and act and write.  And now she was finally doing that.  She didn't regret it.  She knew she hadn't been ready then.  But that was then.  And this was now.  This was where they were, and they both accepted it.  Or so she thought.  

\-----------------------------

True it had been months since they had seen each other and talked. Like really talked.  She had sent him a text a couple months ago on his birthday like she always did with goofy gif.  They had both exchanged a few messages back and forth but nothing substantial and that had been it.  She had no idea what had been going on in his life but it couldn't be good if the rumors were to be believed.  And Kristen was starting to believe them.

**Chello, Adam Sandler here.  Wiig how unexpected.**

**Very funny Samberg. How are you?**

**I'm good! I'm good.  Enjoying life.  How are things?  Are you calling about Bridesmaids 2?  Because I accept the part whatever it may be.**

**Haha.  Funny enough, there is a part for you in the new movie, but umm that's not what I'm calling about.**

Kristen became nervous all of a sudden.  Maybe she shouldn't be bringing Andy into her drama.  Granted, Andy was the only one who knew about her and Bill.  Well Andy and Jason.  But that's because back then on SNL, Jason and her had an on and off again unspecified thing.  It was the shift on the show from her always playing opposite Bill to playing opposite Jason in everything.  The two a-holes sketches. The Mrs. Romney to his Mitt.  They even left SNL together leaving Bill behind.  But they weren't together together then.  They were in countless movies together too, but not always as couples in the same way she was with Bill.  But Jason was supportive and didn't judge and he had Olivia now so everything had worked out. For him.

**Umm so listen.  It's kinda weird why I'm calling.  Have you heard from Bill?**

 

The silence on the other end of the phone told Kristen everything she needed to know.

**Yeah. It's not good. They're splitting up for good.  The papers are right that they've been separated since July trying to make it work, but I guess it just didn't work.  It's shitty.**

**Oh.**

That was all Kristen could come up with.  There was silence on the other end and then Andy turned it on her.

**Have YOU talked to him?  He needs you Wiig.**

**You think? I haven't...I mean I tried.  I left him a stupid message but I didn't think the internet was actually right.**

**Unfortunately it is.  You should call him again.  I don't know anything else other than that he's not alright.**

**Thanks Andy.  I umm...I'll do that.  And I promise the next time I call you will be about that part in Bridesmaids 2.**

**Love you Wiig.  Take care of our Billy.**

**\------------------------**

_Ok what to do.  I know I promised to call him, but what if he doesn't answer again.  What then?  Should I fly to LA?  Is he even in LA?  This feels like an episode of Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego. Bill would look great in that red coat and hat._

_Focus Kristen. Think supportive.  Be supportive.  Bill needs you._

_\---------------------------_

**Hi you've reached Bill and I'm not available right now, but leave a message after the swear word if you want me to call you back you fuh.... BEEEEEEEP**

**Hey..it's me again.  Kristen...Wiig.  You know in case you know a lot of Kristens.**

_Oh geez this was going well._

**You know I don't know how anyone hires you with that as your answering machine on your cellphone.  I can't imagine J.J. Abrams appreciates being called a fucker.  Or Spielberg. Haha ok so that was a bad joke.**

_Oh my God I can't do this._

**Ok look.  I talked to Samberg.  I know things aren't great for you right now.** **But I'm here ok?  I'm not sure where you are right now.** **I wanted to come to you in person, but then I started imagining you with a red trench coat and hat like Carmen Sandiego because I don't know where in the world you are right now.**

**Another poor joke.  I am aware trust me.  Clearly I don't deserve to get paid to do this for a living.  But please come here ok.  If you need to?  You know my door is always open.  Figuratively not literally because you know...murderers.  But you don't have to say anything, just send me your itinerary and then I'll leave the door unlocked and you stay as long as you want.  Forever if you want like the grandma in Mulan asks that we always make fun of.  Just please don't shut me out.  I'm sorry about everything.  But I'm here.  Anyway I'll even give back your OKC sweatshirt if you want because that's how generous I am.  I'll peel it off myself to give back to you.  So yeah....let me know.  Bye.**

 

She hung up the phone and waited, wondering if he would call her back.

\-------------------------

Bill did eventually get Kristen's message.  Both of them.  He was sitting on the bed of the Chateau Marmont Hotel on Sunset Blvd. in LA.  His hair was sticking up in every direction and his eyes were bloodshot from crying and rubbing them so much, but if anyone asked it was from lack of sleep. The Marmont was where he had been temporarily holed up since he and Maggie had separated in early July.  He had read once that Lorne Michaels, famous creator of SNL, had gotten the idea for the live improv show when he was staying at the Marmont in the 70's.  For some reason Bill clung to that memory and headed there when he needed to make a quick escape.

Saturday Night Live.  Those had been the happiest seven years of his life.  That's when he had married Maggie and they were still happy.  They had three daughters together.  And every Saturday night during thank you's he would mouth in the background saying hello to each one of them in case they were watching.  He still loved Maggie so much that it hurt, but he knew in his heart it was over.  It had been over for awhile. And the worst part of his marriage ending was that it was ending now when he had been the model husband. He and Kristen had barely toed the line between right and wrong with their relationship since their SNL days. The past few years he had been completely focused on his family and his relationship with Maggie. He made a lot of sacrifices. He left New York and moved to LA so that he could spend more time with his family while Maggie was producing a new show. He did more voiceover roles for animated movies so that he only had to work a couple hours a day, and could be there to spend time with his girls when they weren't in school. He tried everything to be supportive and the best husband to keep Maggie. If he was honest with himself, he was probably always trying to make up for the times when he had crossed the line with Kristen because deep down he did feel guilty. But even with that guilt, it was never enough for him to come clean and tell Maggie. He did genuinely love his wife...well soon to be ex-wife...and really did want to keep his family in tact. After all, he had made the ultimate sacrifice. He had walked away from Kristen a long time ago. His indiscretions were in the past, but it was the present Bill that Maggie wanted a divorce from. And after everything that happened, he wasn't leaving her for Kristen, Maggie was the one leaving him. That's why is stung the most. Rejection in its full force. Bill almost had preferred that she had found out about him and Kristen, because then at least he would have understood why she wanted to leave. But as it stood now, he couldn't even comprehend. 

Back then at SNL he had Kristen.  She was a light in the darkness for him.  They just made sense together because they understood one another. Staying up late writing with her, Fred, and Andy and laughing for hours were among some of his most cherished memories.  Then of course there were the early mornings waking up tangled around Kristen as they both tried to pull it together quickly enough to make it through the read throughs at the writers' table. 

The times when he and Kristen filmed the small parts in movies together that were so weird and out there but so much fun to play.  The scene where they lip sync Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now in Skeleton Twins is what Bill watches on Youtube when he's having a shitty day to make him smile.  

Kristen.  He needed Kristen.

\------------------

A week went by and Kristen hadn't heard anything.  She was busy filming a new animated movie set to come out in 2019 that kept her busy and distracted during the day.  She kept checking her phone every chance that she got and still nothing.  Finally while she was in for her morning coffee at Starbucks, she heard the familiar R2-D2 beep of her phone signaling she had a text from Bill.  He had made her customize his text tone awhile back because he thought it was funny, however he was disappointed to find that dying Tauntaun or dying Jabba the Hutt was not a customizable text tone. 

**I'm leaving LA right now.  I should be at your place around 9.**

Kristen instantly felt relief flood her body.  He needed her and she would be there for him.  She quickly typed off a reply because she was next in line to order and New Yorkers do not like to wait for anything, especially coffee.

**I'll be home. The door will be unlocked and I have plenty of food and alcohol.**

She quickly ordered her soy chai latte and heard the familiar ping again.

**Thanks Kris.  See you** **tonight.**

Well she didn't know what to expect but she was glad he was coming.  Kristen was just making a mental note to go buy food and alcohol when her phone pinged again from Bill.

**P.S. I won't be wearing the red coat.  Definitely the hat.**

Kristen laughed manically to herself and then smiled the whole way to work.

\-------------------

Nine o'clock had come and gone and there was no sign of Bill.  Kristen tried not to be too earnest about the whole thing because she didn't know what state he would be in, but the least the fucker could do would be to send her a text.  To kill time she made and re-made both her bed and the guest bed twice.  This could go either way and she wanted to be prepared.  She knew she loved Bill.  She loved him like she would never love someone again.  However this was not the time for those feelings.  Unless that's what he wanted and then she would throw down with him quicker than a homeless man downing a mini bottle of vodka. 

She was just pacing in the kitchen and running a hand down the OKC sweatshirt to smooth the wrinkle that had developed when she heard the front door open.  She took a deep breath to steady herself and then slowly made her way into the hallway in case it wasn't Bill and instead was that murderer she was always afraid of.

It was Bill but he didn't look like her Bill.  This Bill looked thinner, like he hadn't been eating lately because he was depressed.  This Bill had bloodshot eyes that could still be seen despite the number of eyedrops applied in an attempt to hide the redness.  He looked exhausted mentally and physically.  He too was wearing sweats but Kristen was surprised to see him wearing another OKC sweatshirt.  This one was newer than the faded one she was currently modeling.

Bill gently shut and locked the door and then placed his bag on the floor before toeing off his tennis shoes.  He leaned against the wall casually before finally looking up to meet Kristen's eyes.  

**"Hey.** **" was all he said quietly.**

**"Hey." Kristen replied lamely back.  She cleared her throat awkwardly before she continued. "I** **don't see a red hat.  I'm a little disappointed."**

The edges of Bill's mouth turned up in a small grin and his eyes glowed just the faintest bit to show he was amused. 

**"TSA confiscated it.  Said it looked too suspicious on me.  I think the dude was a Warriors fan. Fucking Los Angeles."** **Bill said before slowly coming towards Kristen.  He stopped when he was right in front of her.**

**"It's all over Kris.  My marriage.  My family.  My life.  It's fucking gone."**   **And with those words, the tears that he had been holding back finally broke free.  He couldn't pretend anymore.**

Kristen reached out and grabbed him, pulling him into her.  He was leaning over so that his head was resting on her shoulder, his whole body enveloping her.  She could feel his pain emanating off of him like waves and she felt it to her core.

**"Where?" She began because she didn't know what he needed. Guest room?  Couch?  Her room?**

**"Yours." Was all he replied between sobs.**

Kristen awkwardly maneuvered Bill to her room and was able to detach herself for a moment so that she could pull back the sheets and the comforter so he could lay down.  She was about to tuck him in when he surprised her by pulling her down on top of him.  There was nothing sexual about their position although Kristen would remember it later.  It was purely about wanting to be as close as physically possible to the only one who could help him with the pain. 

Kristen arranged herself so that she was resting on Bill's chest and her forearms so she wasn't suffocating him.  Although he had stated multiple times in the past she was too tiny to even make a dent in him.  She rested her head in her spot in the crook of his neck and cried with him.  His pain was her pain.  She stroked his hair and wiped the tears from his eyes when the crying began to subside.  He rolled over a little so they were both intertwined but still facing each other.  Kristen continued to stroke Bill's hair back from his face.  It had been getting longer than he usually wore it and he closed his eyes, finally feeling secure and at peace enough to do so.  

She didn't know how he would react but she gently leaned forward and gave him a chaste kiss on the lips.  Bill slowly opened his eyes and chuckled softly before grabbing Kristen to him so they were essentially like two spider monkeys clinging together in a tree.  They both fell asleep like that and Bill slept soundly for the first time in months.  

\---------

The next morning, Bill awoke to Kristen softly drawing patterns in his chest hair.  Sometime in the middle of the night he had lost his sweatshirt and his shirt.  It was probably a deliberate move due to Kristen's body heat being so warm, almost like a space heater. 

**"Morning." he said gruffly as he captured her hand with his and brought it to his lips.  "What are you doing?"**

**"Hi.  Just playing with your chest hair.  I've always loved your chest hair." Kristen said returning her hand to his chest and continuing the drawing of** **random patterns with her fingers.**

**"Well you're kinda weird then." Bill said smiling gently as he tried to sit up a little in Kristen's bed.**

**"I brought you breakfast.  I made pancakes...you know the ones you really like." She said as she grabbed a little tray she had put the pancakes on with some coffee.**

They were chocolate chip.  Back when they were both on SNL, sometimes during the really early morning hours, her and Bill would run away from 30 Rock to one of the nearby 24 hour open diners.  They would both always order chocolate chip pancakes for no other reason than it sounded good and they loved them, and it didn't matter that it wasn't the most adult of orders because it was usually 3:24 in the morning and they didn't give a shit about propriety.

**"You didn't have to do that really.  But that's kind of amazing.  You're amazing." Bill said cutting one of the pancakes and then taking a bite.  He made the most obscene facial expressions when he ate chocolate chip pancakes.  Kristen had seen that face once before.**

**"I know.  But I wanted to.  If I could make you feel better even for a moment with ridiculous pancakes, then I would do it for you.  Always."**   **She let the last bit slip out accidentally but then she didn't regret that she had said it.  She and Bill were always honest with each other and what she had said she genuinely felt.**

That made Bill's heart beat just a little bit faster.  He knew what he had with Kristen.  For years he had known.  He loved her.  He wouldn't say more than he loved Maggie, but in a different way.  With Kristen it was easy and natural, but intense.  Of course in one of his late lonely nights in the Chateau Marmont Hotel he had realized that maybe the only positive to getting a divorce was that now he could finally be with Kristen.  Well not now of course, but someday.  They could finally be together in the way that they always wanted.  But that was future Bill's problem.

**"Thanks Kris.  You're the best you know?  Thanks for the messages, and for last night, and for letting me stay.  I need you.  Everything's so fucked up right now, but the one thing I know for certain is that I need you." Bill admitted looking straight into Kristen's eyes.**

He meant every word that he said.  And even the words that he didn't say Kristen could hear loud and clear.  That was the nature of their relationship.  She heard what he didn't verbalize which was that he loved her and wanted to be with her.  But first his wounds would need to heal and he would have to be ok again.  And Kristen would be there to help him get back on his feet.  And only then would she finally allow herself to give fully into the pull that she had felt from day one.  The fateful day when she had run into a Mr. William T. Hader Jr. in the elevator at 30 Rock on their first day together at SNL. 

**"It's ok.  We'll get through this.  You're finally home where you've always belonged.  With me." Kristen said while reaching out to grab Bill's hand in hers.**

And he heard the words that she didn't say out loud, but that she meant from every inch of her being.   _I love you too Bill. Always._

 

_The end._

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I know the timelines are a little off in this story, but like I said in the intro, it is fiction. I'm a big fan of both of them and this was fun to write even if it's shit.


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